From the Salmon

A terrifying new organization calling itself Unitarian Jihad is at the gates. Their first message to us all begins ominously:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only one God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary....
Read the rest

With their fanatical devotion to reasoned parliamentary discussion, it is only a matter of time before they overcome us.

To hasten my assimilation, I have already received my Unitarian Jihad Name:

But wait! It seems there’s already been a schism. To hedge my bets, I am also applying for a new moniker in the First Reformed Unitarian Jihad:

With my new identities in place, I was allowed entry into what seemed to be the Underground Fellowship Room of Revolution and Cookies, where I encountered fiery rhetoric like this:

In my reply to Gender-Inclusive Blunderbus of Non-threatening Spiritual Investigation on the subject of work groups about committees, I realized that our Unitarian Jihad group lacks something that I believe is important to the consensus-making process and to the community of the Jihad: the Conversation Hour. This is, as always, my viewpoint alone; the practice of social hour has a different meaning to each individual Jihadi, and may or may not be of value in this particular community.

Resistance is futile!

(Thanks to Jon Carroll of the San Francisco Chronicle for his bravery and vigilance. And Jeanne at Body and Soul for the link to the assimilation assistant.)