Jesus, Inc.
Let’s play a game. I like to call it “Satire or Sacrilege?”
I’ll point you to some websites that purport to offer actual Christian-themed products and it’ll be up to you to decide if it’s someone poking fun at the commodification of Christianity or if it’s the real deal.
Okay. Here we go…
Dance Dance Resurrection
You know that obnoxious Dance Dance Revolution game that everyone is better at than you? Have you ever wished that you could turn your humiliating lack of rhythm and foot speed into a humiliating lack of rhythm and foot speed… for Jesus??
Well you can, with Dance Dance Resurrection! Now with wholesome music and gospel backmasking, you can avoid the bloody mayhem of those other games while dancing like David danced!
Okay, I thought I’d start you off easy. That’s obviously Satire, wouldn’t you agree? I mean, no one would actually release a product that is so obviously a craven attempt to capitalize on the popularity of a cultural phenomenon by repackaging it for a Christian audience. Right?
Right?
Dance Praise
Okay then. I give you Dance Praise (Lower right corner of the site). Turn your computer into a Dance Arcade with Top Christian Hits from artists like ZOEgirl and Sanctus Real! Kick it old school with Steven Curtis Chapman and the Newsboys!
Tom Bean, the President and CEO of Digital Praise, Inc. says:
Dance Praise combines two of the most popular entertainment trends in America today — Contemporary Christian music and dance arcades.... The Christian messages in the songs reinforce the values of love, grace, goodness, forgiveness and redemption. Plus, the dance pad plugs right into the USB port of a Windows or Macintosh computer so anyone in the family can start dancing right away.
Right. Because Firewire is clearly the devil’s interface.
Left Behind: Eternal Forces
Fine, so Dance Dance Resurrection maybe isn’t your style.
But what about Dance Dance Revelation?
Put on your rapture boots, kids. It’s Left Behind: Eternal Forces! Details are few, as the computer game will not be out until Spring 2006, assuming of course that the Apocalypse doesn’t strike first. (And let’s remember for a second that the Red Sox and White Sox are now back-to-back World Series Champs.)
But with a trailer like this, I can only hope that the Lord takes His time.
iBelieve
One more. And this one even has me stumped.
Do you love the wholesome goodness of Dance Praise but wish you had a better way to enjoy the tunes without lugging around that unwieldy dance pad?
Perhaps the iBelieve is the solution for you.
Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, ”Shuffle the little children”? Well, children and apostles alike can take up their cross and follow this GodPod straight to Funky Town. (Shuffle not included.)
And when you needed a breather, you could use it to listen to Joel Osteen (iTunes)!
I can’t for the life of me think of why he came to mind right then.
4 Ripples from “Jesus, Inc.”
Jim says:
October 28, 2005 at 7:11 am
“But with a trailer like this, I can only hope that the Lord takes His time.”
Breaking news: Lahaye has inked a deal with the Man himself (Lahaye insisted on the use of the masculine during our interview) to put off the rapture for a period of not less than 6 months and not greater than the amount of time it takes to collect all the residuals from books and ancillary product offerings.
The Lord of the Universe was quoted as saying, “He knows you can’t take it with you but thought it would be a shame if he didn’t have a chance to do even more for my name with the proceeds.”
In a separate interview, LaHaye said simply, “I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
opus says:
October 30, 2005 at 10:10 pm
Aren’t those Dance Praise folks at all concerned that the suggestive movements of those onscreen dancers - in their tight, sensually hip-hugging jeans, no less - might cause countless Christian men to stumble when all they want to do is get their groove on?!?
zalm says:
October 31, 2005 at 2:10 pm
Heh. Those wispy thighs and gargantuan feet are provocative indeed. Good thing this game is only about the cardiovascular exercise. That and beating your friends for Jesus.
I have to say, there is something a little surreal about a Christian dancing game. It reminds me of an old, old joke from back in the day when a Christian-College-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named asked their students to sign a pledge promising that they wouldn’t dance:
Q: Why does the church say that sex before marriage is a sin?
A: Because they’re afraid it might lead to dancing.
Hey, I never said it was a funny joke.
Nicole says:
November 1, 2005 at 8:11 pm
Yip, at the OTR concert at that same college ( I think) it was funny cause we’re still not allowed to break out into spontaneous dancing. We’re only allowed to have college sanctioned dancing events (note: not God sanctioned). Karin encouraged it and then was like..."Oops, I don’t want to get you all in trouble.” To hell with it, once grad students can drink, there’s no way to keep us from dancing and maybe even having sex. Thank God (and I mean that) they changed the belief statement/behavior standards.
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